Holy Order of Our Lady of Debauchery

The Rule of the Order

(Written shortly after the Order was founded, for the Cloistered Members that were joining us at SCA events. Archived here for historical purposes.)

Hierarchy

The Order of Precedence in the HOOLD:
Mother Superior
Abbot/Abbess
Nun/Monk Templar
Nun/Monk
Novitiate

Other than the Mother Superior (and her personal staff, which currently only consists of the Grand Inquisitor), each member of the Order is considered to be part of a Chapter House. Unless you have made special arrangements with an abbot/ess, you will be considered a member of the Chapter House you live nearest. (We do have an Abbot of Antarctica, if you like the idea of being from way out there . . .)

Anyone other than a Novitiate can recruit members for the order of lower rank than they are. More details will be given on that later. You can also bribetithe your way further up the ranks, if you so desire. The only limits that the Order places on this is that we don’t want abbot/esses competing for members in the same area (unless you can think of a creative way to do so — dispensations can be considered). Other classes of membership will also be considered, especially if you can convince the Mother Superior that they’re period, or would be really cool. (This is how the Grand Inquisitor got in.)

Duties of the Cloistered Membership

All members of the HOOLD are expected to participate in Debauchery, Revelry, Orgies, or Carousing, as defined in Words; we hold that all acts of Love and Pleasure are our rituals, and our pleasures give glory to Our Lady of Debauchery. Note that this does not mean participating in anything that you do not find to be a pleasure; if there is any phrase that defines the duties and responsibilities of the Order, it is this:

Safe, Sane, and Consensual.

Anything done under the auspices of the Order must fit at least two of these three ideas — and the third, consensuality, MUST be one of them. The Mother Superior is adamant about this, and will probably pen a lecture about it later in this missive.

Novitiate. Being the “youngest” members of the HOOLD, the Novitiate’s sole duty is to explore the various ways and methods of Debauchery, learning from their elders in the Order and discovering for themselves whether or not they have a true Calling. If they discover that they have such a calling, they can bribetithe their way up the ranks.

Being the lowest rung on the Cloistered Membership ladder, the only requirement is Desire. Some knowledge of the Order (mainly of the Catechism) will be required if you want to climb the ranks.

Nun/Monk. As a Nun or Monk of the Order, you are required to perform some act of Debauchery during any period of time (say, a tourney) where you are representing yourself as a member of the Order. This can be as simple as flirting or a game of Tablero, or as complicated as a revel in your encampment; the actual event is up to you. Eventually, the Order will require some Knowledge of the writings of the Order; but there will always be a Grandmother Clause, so Don’t Panic if you’re already in. If you wanna get in, start with the Catechism.

The Order also asks that as a representative of Our Lady of Debauchery, you be available to guide and instruct the people around you in the Art of Debauchery; Our Lady also gains esteem when her Order helps those around them. Knowing the definitions of Courtesy, Caution, Discretion, Compassion and Tact would also be a Good Thing. (See the Rules.)

Nun/Monk Templar. In addition to the duties listed above, the Templars of the Order have also taken on the obligation to fight in the Order’s defense if this particular type of help is needed. (”Fight for Your Right to Party!”) We have required that all Templars of the Order be fighters; but we have not required that they be Heavies. Lights, Fencers, and Archers can also be Templars. Other fighters are also welcome; talk to the Mother Superior.

Abbot/ess. The Abbots and Abbesses of the Order, in addition to the duties of Monks and Nuns, are held to greater accountability for the members of the Order and the other people around them. We strongly encourage them to educate the populace on the practice of Safe Debauchery, and to set an example in their own rites to the people around them. In addition, if the Order is going to make an official appearance at an event, the local abbot/ess should be the one to set up the appearance (set up space for camping together with the Autocrat, etc.).

As the highest rung on the ladder, you are expected to have Desire , Knowledge, and Character. Other than the current membership, we have yet to determine just exactly how to judge this nebulous attribute; we just know that you need it.

Costello. The Costello is a monk/nun who has been raised to the level of the Abbot’s personal assistant; they are usually recognized at events by their running after their abbot (”Hey, Abbot!” — as seen in the movies and many cartoons). Usually created with the agreement of the abbot, the Mother Superior will assign on if she feels it is needed. (If an abbess wants a Costella, the same rules apply.)

Grand Inquisitor. A personal aide to the Mother Superior, the Grand Inquisitor is in charge of making sure that the members of the Order are keeping up on their duties (”Are you having fun yet?”) and ensuring that the members are apprised of the latest developments in the Rule of the Order. (She also happens to be the Mother Superior’s ghost writer. ) Eventually there will be Inquisitors and Inquisitor Pursuivants; as yet, people I trust have no bribetithe, and those others who try are simply Not Worthy.

Mother Superior. An example to us all in the practice and rites of Safe Debauchery, the Mother Superior is responsible to all of the members, overseeing the well-being of the Order, making new rules and policy decisions as needs require. She has the onerous duty of kicking people out of the Order who do not set the proper example, and making sure we do not get stepped on or kicked out by the secular authorities.

Accepting New Members

Each member of the HOOLD (with the exception of Novitiates) can take in new members of a rank lower than the rank they currently possess. The coin of the Church in this endeavor is beer. The process is simple: you let the new member bribetithe their way in at whatever price you deem best, take down their name and address for the Mother Superior, and they’re in. Part of the bribetithe must be passed on to a higher member of the Church; this can be any member of higher rank than yourself, the Mother Superior (who appreciates all the beer she can get to support her Tablero habit), or any Cardinal of the Holy Roman Catholic Apostolic Church of An Tir (Inc). This person who receives the bribe tithe will pass on some of what they get higher up the line. (This is how the Church worked in Period - now you know where pyramid schemes came from!)

Although beer is the coin of the Church, and therefore of the Order, the Mother Superior has been known to take other alcohol as a bribetithe, and as long as some portion of alcohol passes on up the line, it’s between the new member and the person taking the bribetithe. (For a glass of rum that got two new members in at one event, the Mother Superior will pass on two beers to Steffano.) Let’s face it, we’ll take almost anything; people have offered cola, chocolate chip cookies, candy, and backrubs. (We refused the backrubs; they’re awful hard to quantify or to pass on.) We especially encourage non-alcoholic bribetithes from underage members of the Order, as well as anyone who has any objections to alcohol.

Deportment

Safe, Sane, and Consensual.

(I told you we’d be coming back to this.) These three words are the basis for deportment in our Order. (Well, that and Cardinal Steffano’s Most Excellent Guide to Chivalry and Etiquette, which we consider a Must Read for all members. We will print the address in the Sundry Small Stuff , after we quote him two or three times.)

You can judge almost any situation by these three criteria. As an example: you’re playing Tablero at 3 a.m., and you set up a seven on the diagonal when you know your opponent can’t fill it. The urge to yell the traditional “Set ‘em up and KNOCK ‘EM DOWN!” is almost overwhelming - but not doing it might be a good idea. Is it safe? Depends on if your neighbors are sleeping fighters - or friends of the Autocrat. Is it sane? Let’s face it, playing Tablero at 3 a.m. at all is not sane. Is it consensual? NO. Your neighbors did not ask to be awakened at this hour. Do the courteous thing - whisper it forcefully. Your neighbors will thank you.

Another example (please transpose genders in your head accordingly): you are sitting around a bardic circle with a lovely and wonderful young lord who keeps sipping from his bota; by the time it gets suggested that the two of you take off for more private places, he can hardly stand. Now, you can take off for your tent with him, but ask the usual questions: Is it safe? Can you really trust this guy to use protection when he can’t see the tree roots he’s tripping over? Is it sane? Fun? Yes, but sane . . . We leave it up to you. Is it consensual? Unless you talked it over about how far the both of you were willing to go when your partner was still sober, it’s best to assume no.

Cardinal Steffano has some wonderful stuff in his Guide to Chivalry and Etiquette about this, like:

No means no, obviously. But a drunken “yes” should sometimes be interpreted as a “no”. The Gucci rule was “no seducing women who’re drunker than you are.” so if you’re wondering, she probably is too drunk.
. . .
A smile does not mean “let’s have sex”
Sharing a cloak does not mean “let’s have sex”
Kissing does not mean “let’s have sex”
Caressing does not mean “let’s have sex”
. . .
“Let’s have sex” means “let’s have sex”. Only “Yes” means “Yes.”

So, in all things, let’s keep these three questions in mind:

Is it Safe? Will engaging in this activity cause you harm in any way, right now or down the line?

Is it Sane? What is your definition of sane? Does it fit with that? If you do it, will you regret it later on?

Is it Consensual? THIS QUESTION IS NOT OPTIONAL. If all parties do not agree of their own free will, then it is against everything the Order stands for. It is also grounds for dismissal from the Order, and possibly for contacting the Mundane authorities. Yes, we take it that seriously. Up With This Sh!t, We Will Not Put.

Underage Debauchery, and Other Things

Please refer again to the definitions which comprise the first part of the Rule. They talk a lot about fun, sensuality, and noise; but none of them mention sex, drinking, or getting into trouble. These definitions were not edited; that’s the way they were in the dictionary. Also note that none of them mentions legality.

The official stance of the HOOLD on underage debauchery is this: you’re on your own, Binky. The Order does not condemn or condone underage sex or drinking; these are personal decisions best left up to the individual. We will not provide alcohol to underage members of the Order; not because we don’t like you, but because we don’t want to be hauled off to jail.
The same applies to any member of the Order contemplating the use of illegal substances. Each individual is left to make these choices for themselves.

Cardinal Steffano has some wonderful stuff in his Guide to Chivalry and Etiquette about this too:

Under Age Drinking
Minors never drink alcohol. Ever. It’s illegal!
But if they did, they would want to be really, really discrete about it.
They would want to use a mug, rather than an original container (because a mug could contain anything). They would hide their original containers, both full and empty. They would not get totally smashed. If they did, their friends would keep them away from the “good” people so that the “good” people wouldn’t have to take punitive action. They would understand that the “good” people, especially those who are legally responsible, have to take action if they find out. So they must not find out.
But since nobody ever, ever does this, it’s all kinda hypothetical.

Steffano also has some great things to say about Smoking Other Things, Public Fluid Disposal, Seduction (only some of which is quoted under Deportment ), and other items of Practical Etiquette, and that’s just in the last 7 pages. I can’t recommend this book highly enough.

Sundry Small Stuff

• The Order has a Saint. His name is Joshua, and he is more than worthy of the title. (Ask the Mother Superior or the Grand Inquisitor for the story sometime.) When favors are produced, he will be getting one with a gold halo; if you see this favor, please offer him hospitality and beer. He deserves it.
• Edric’s Rule, as espoused in the Rules of Tablero (also available from Steffano), is a Rule of Life, not just of a drinking game. In short, it can be stated as “If you can convince your opponent that something is a rule, it’s a rule.” This also applies to the Mother Superior.
• One of our members (the Abbot of Terra Pomaria) expressed an interest in becoming the “Avenging Son of Debauch” (it’s funnier if you say it quickly with an Italian accent) as soon as he gets his armor together. This has led the Mother Superior to think about actually holding a small tourney among the Templars, and using this name for the Champion of the Order. Suggestions are welcome.
• Suggestions for improving or expanding the Order are quite welcome. Just let us know.
• The Mother Superior’s address: Katrina Wolffe, PO Box 11713, Portland, OR 97211. Don’t forget to send her the names and addresses of any new members. If you get by electronically, she can also be reached at mshoold@hoold.org . The Grand Inquisitor, who can’t live without her electronics, can be reached at lfwolffe@hoold.org . Please note that these are both new @dresses.
• Cardinal Steffano’s address: Baron Steffano Cardinal da Gucci al Khabeelah McGurn of Ravensfuri, c/o Steve Gray, 3231 E. 22nd Ave., Vancouver BC Canada, V5V 2Y2. He was advertising the Rules to Tablero through the mail at $5 before 3YC, and selling his four book set at 3YC for $10; he has published the Guide to Tablero, Guide to Chivalry and Etiquette, Guide to Fealty and Feudalism, and Guide to the Society and the Empire (the last one being about the power structure in our Society). All of them are excellent and recommended by the Grand Inquisitor. Sending postage would be nice.